Last New Year Resolutions-Goals- Accomplished?

I had so much going on last year that I didn’t have time to process much. Between work, kids, and recovering, it really didn’t give me a chance.

Everyone in my family wrote on a piece of paper a goal for the year. The bigger the goal the better. My goal last year was simple, to get stronger so I can ride horses again.

Now I did get to ride a couple times last year for a short time. But the fear of the what if’s took over. Which is crazy as I didn’t get hurt on a horse. I got hurt in a truck. Crazy I know! I seen what it did to my husband and kids when I was not able to take care of myself, and I didn’t want it to happen again. So I became cautious.

With that means putting what I love in a drawer and locking it away. Not really on purpose but I just had something telling me not yet.

Maybe it was me listening to the doctor when he said he didn’t recommend me riding but if I did to wait at least a year. Maybe it was me fearing of what I would accomplish. Maybe it was a fear of what if I am unable to do what I love without hurting myself again.

So many things, yet my life was so hectic I never figured it out last year. During the New Year I did have a chance to reflect.

I know God was telling me not yet for a reason. I trust that he knows best and I should always follow when he tells me to do, or not to do something!

I realize that I am not afraid of horses or riding, I’m afraid getting on the horse and not being able to keep riding. Not of getting hurt, but me not being able to physically ride.

Yes I know it is a crazy thing to be scared of. I should be just thankful I am here, and I know I am blessed. Like everyone else, I have emotions too, and I’m human as well.

We put thoughts in our heads that sometimes keep us out of trouble, but sometimes they keep us from accomplishing great things.

I believe we are all here for a purpose and I know life is too short. So instead of all the what if’s, I am taking the next step.

The next step is actually getting back on a horse, not just for a few minutes. Then continuously riding all year. This is the only way I will know if I can do it still.

I still have back and hip pain, and never got my back fixed. So not 100% sure if my body will handle me riding like I used to. But if I don’t at least try, then I will be giving into what the devil wants. I will be giving into my fears, and for that I need to try!

Second week post op labral tear surgery

Well I can now get on and off the couch and the first part of week 2 I got in my bed and managed to sleep there. I had to take a pain killer as it hurt, when on the bed. But it was another step forward! I didn’t take any hydro-acet during the day, just at night

During the day I took the low dose aspirin still and Naproxen 2x a day to prevent bone ossification. My doctor was very adamant about taking the naproxen. To help with ulcer prevention, I also took medication to help that in the mornings.

I was awake enough to where I decided to work from home. It was not a lot of work, mainly computer work and talking on the phone at times. I didn’t really get off the couch much but did my “ankle pumps” and other exercises therapy recommended.

I noticed my ability to multi-task was non-existent and I forgot things easily. I had to do one thing at a time, which I am not used to. I also had to write stuff down to remind me to do something.

So I was scared that would continue and I would not get better. I was scared that I would be stuck being slow and could not do my job how it should be done.

My therapy went good this week, mainly just stretching exercises. I had a couple bad days but nothing to major. I was still on crutches and the brace. God was getting me through and giving me the strength I needed. I knew that this will pass and I was no longer impatient.

I have learned previously that no matter what, God will get me through threw bad times. I learned that we all have to go through trials to make us stronger. Each one of our journeys are different buy if we have Faith in God, our end result is the same. Yes I am ready to be free of this part of my life, but it is now part of me. I will keep on going.

Third week post op labral tear surgery

Monday I was not cleared to go back to work so just went to therapy and worked from home. I didn’t feel too bad, just sore and muscles tight.

Tuesday my husband drove me up the doctor, and I had a couple xrays. Everything looked good, and he said I could take off my brace and crutches next week. He also cleared me to drive as long as I felt okay. I was happy, and decided since I had my husband with me, I would try to drive, and if it didn’t work out then he could take over. Well when I was at the truck I was up on the curb, and I had my front door open. When I tried to get off the curb I lost my balance. I started to put pressure on my left leg, so I leaned forward and didn’t

catch myself. I ended up faceplanting into the truck. I caught my face on the steering wheel, but I didn’t hurt my hip thankfully. I went home and iced it.

Wednesday I went back to work, which that was a long day and definitely was sore that night. I was still on crutches and my brace so my muscles were pretty tight.

Thursday went to therapy and didn’t do too much as I was pretty sore from the day before. I started walking with my crutches as the doctor gave me 50% weight bearing status. I was slow and used the crutches but it made me feel like there was hope. When I got home I iced it. I still had a low grade fever and wasn’t able to multi-task.

Hip injection and Summer Time

I had my hip injected to see how long that would last as I was completing physical therapy and only other option was surgery. Which surgeon wanted to get me stronger and I was against surgery.

The injection hurt when they did it, and they used an ultrasound machine to guide the needle. They used a long needle and the pain was burning as the needle went through my muscles into my hip. Granted they also used lidocaine but it didn’t help deep down. Honestly that was the most painful experience I had with any needle, ever!

Afterwards it gave me instant relief, and for the first time the drive home was painfree! Normally I could not drive about 20-30 minutes before it hurt.

I was also cleared to do whatever as tolerated to see if I could handle it. So the first thing I thought of was riding horses.

I could not ride the first 2 days as it was raining and I needed to work my horse some. I was going to send him out but I couldn’t wait that long. I got on him in the round pen after lunging him a few minutes. To those who don’t ride are probably thinking, BAD idea!

He took care of me and did everything I asked. I buried my head onto his neck. I will be honest, I cried.

I cried because on the back of a horse, I feel close to God, and free. All my problems go away and my day becomes brighter! I cried because I finally seen light at the end of the tunnel and it gave me a newfound hope!

I knew I couldn’t barrel race but still rode him at a walk and sometimes for a brief trot. I did try a lope a couple times but that increased the pain I had.

I took him to a local playdays to ride in the arena around other people, and planned on just taking it slow around the patterns. But I ended up loading him in the trailer and going home. My discomfort level and fear of hurting myself worse took over. So I only rode my horse a handful of times.

Within 5 months the injection wore off. I was able to walk but I tried slowly to run. I finally made it a mile but then was so stoved up the next day it wasn’t worth it. We went to Branson on a family trip during the summer. Standing or walking around on concrete in Branson was awful but didn’t want to ruin it for the kids. It was their first trip to Branson.

Even with the increase of pain, I was still managing to walk a mile every day because it would make my back feel better if I did.

I came to the determination that I would just suck it up and live with the pain.

That was until hunting season came around again.

Life on crutches part one

The first part of the struggles with being on crutches was gaining strength. Trying to walk very far took a lot out of me. It was also a challenge getting up and down stairs, in and out of stores, and just doing regular tasks.

I was blessed having horses so my upper body strength wasn’t too bad, but some muscles you just don’t use.

In the beginning, I had someone carry everything for me, from food to laptop for work. It was December 1 when I was put on crutches so of course, I couldn’t help decorate for Christmas.

Having to sit around while other people took care of my animals, decorated for Christmas, and did things for me I was unable to do at the time, bothered me. I had a some pity parties, got frustrated, cried, and withdrew at times.

My hunting season was not great either as I didn’t get to hunt much. So not being able to help provide meat in the freezer was a downfall as well.

I wanted so much to just go about my life with no worries, but there I was limited. I started thinking of all the things I couldn’t do, and what I was missing out on. I just felt helpless.

I couldn’t jump on the trampoline, couldn’t walk my horse, couldn’t go to BBR

Finals although I qualified. I was upset because I had a chance to be top 10 in my horses division, but due to the wreck I had to stop riding horses until I was cleared. I started getting grumpy and withdrew.

Then of course my husband stepped in and he allowed me to have a breakdown, pity party, or whatever you want to call it. I cried and afterwards I felt so much better. I then turned to God for answers and realized that although my current situation was tough, it was not who I was, I am no quitter.

I am really good at talking with God when things are going good, but I have struggled with getting closer to him when I struggle.

I started thinking of all the positives, and found a way to carry my computer for work. I didn’t give up and got my horse to lead him with my crutches. I figured out solutions to a my problems that I could address.

I had my kids take turns going to the store with me so I could shop instead of my husband, unless it required heavy lifting.

I spent time with my horse just brushing him while on crutches. My barrel horse was in the barn, so I had to have someone catch him and turn him loose in the pasture for a little bit then put him back up. I tried leading him with the crutches but I would hit his leg and it wouldn’t work out. I never gave up though and kept trying! One day we both figured out how to manage with me on crutches. That was a “winning” situation, and I felt so independent and happy!

I wrote in a journal to release some frustrations and challenges.

I learned how to carry plates, and drinks with my crutches and managed to get in and out of the shower by myself.

Now it was hard when I got my letter for BBR finals and had to just throw it away. But I prayed about it and came to the conclusion there was a reason for me not going.

Well during the BBR they had a bad storm and they didn’t get to perform all days and some trailers were tipped over. So God protected me from that.

God has showed me different things along the way. I read the whole bible front to back then started picking it apart to really understand it. This helped me out and the books of Job and Esther stuck out to me.

Esther was born to do something great, although she was scared and didn’ know how.

Job had so much faith, even after loosing everything. He never gave up!

They both were rewarded for the love they shared for God and doing what was right, even when it was hard.

I missed out a lot with my girls, husband, and horses. But I did grow. I grew spiritually and physically.

Through physical therapy I gained strength and different excercises to keep my strength and get stronger than before.

Spiritually I grew closer to God, and opened my eyes. I learned patience, perseverance, hope, and faith the hard way. I learned that no matter what God is close to the broken hearted and he does provide. Although I already knew it, he reinforced it.

I made it through, and after months of being non weight bearing my fracture started to heal.

I was able to get off crutches and had an injection in my hip. The doctor wanted me to continue excercising and gaining strength so when or if I need surgery, I will be strong enough. He said recovery would be easier that way. It was kind of a relief I would be off crutches for summer.

Thanksgiving trip ending in Pain & bad news!

With the kids it usually takes about 18 to 19 hour driving to get to where I used to live. That is trying to not take many stops except to fuel up and eat at least once.

Normally I am ready to go when we get there, except a little tired.

When we arrived I was pretty stoved up but the day after was the worst.

I had a horrible time trying to walk and it was then that I realized for definite that I had a bigger problem than just a pulled groin muscle.

I couldn’t stand up straight and the pain was awful when walking. I usually ride horses with my mom but that was out! It got better over the next few days after rest, but put a damper on my vacation.

I contacted the doctor via an app on my phone and he called me later stating that he was referring me to a specialist in Springfield. He said that he just got results back from MRI and it was a problem in the hips. Since he did not do hips, he would not be able to help. He did say there was for sure a tear and when I came back home to take it easy.

I was a good girl and stayed off my mom’s horses. We did not do some things we normally do because of myself so I felt bad. We even left a day early so we could take it nice and slow going home which helped some.

I went to the specialist in Springfield when I went home, and he could tell because it was more comfortable for me to stand crooked, versus sitting on anything.

The Specialist informed me that I not only had two tears, one anterior and one posterior, I also had a stress fracture on my hip. He put me on crutches and informed me that I would have to be non-weight-bearing on that side until the fracture healed.

The doctor stated he would be unable to fix the tears until the fracture healed because if he tried he would literally break me in half. Those were his exact words so I chose to be good and do what he asked.

I stayed off horses and remained on crutches for close to six months. I went through therapy two to three times a week and juggled working, and family life.

I was just grateful that I could still drive. It was very hard and trying times as I am very independent. But I knew God would get me through this trial, as he always does.