Life changes

So I’m frustrated and I just don’t know where to start. I’m overwhelmed and with no answers, it is scary.

It’s scary not knowing what my daughter can or can’t eat. Or if she will go into anaphylactic shock for eating something she shouldn’t.

I think The biggest thing is the unknown. Everything is just so new and only 2 doctors are really studying what she has, so it is scary.

One minute she was enjoying hotdogs & hamburgers the next we found out they were making her sick. So that’s another I struggle I deal with. I was feeding my child something that was hurting her, without even knowing.

How can something so tiny cause that much trouble? Some say the government trials, others say it’s been around but no one knew about it. All I know is it is now a part of my family’s life. We have to make life changes which can be very trying!

Sometimes we have to cook two different meals, while others we try new things. I have to not only watch but teach her what to watch for. We have to make sure she doesn’t feel left out and provide education to her school, friends, and other family.

This is a life altering & can be life threatening diagnosis. There is currently no cure and it can get worse over time. So all I can do is learn as much as possible, ask lots of questions, and most of all, provide support for her.

Life changes, we just have to gain more knowledge and move on.

Alpha-Gal Syndrome

So what exactly is alpha gal allergy. It is an allergy that has been recently discovered that prevents people from eating red meat because an allergic reaction. They are still researching but it has been found to be caused by lone star ticks and chiggers.

So my daughter was diagnosed from a blood test with this allergy test last June 2019.

At first I was shocked but I wasn’t upset because I have faith that everything is going to work out. Yes I want to cry but I was at work so I sucked it up. I couldn’t cry at home because my husband was gone to an archery tournament and I was the only one caring for the kids. I didn’t want her to worry.

It is hard to have to tell your kid she can’t do something, especially when she loves something. When I sat her down she thought I was joking. She just turned 11 and she loves Spaghetti and meatballs, ribs and jerky. She can no longer eat “hairy meats” My daughter was upset but handled it well, and first thing that came to mind for her was no jerky. She handled it better than most adults would and she completely understood what was going on.

There is a chance this can be temporary as long as she doesn’t get bit again.

I have complete faith that God will heal her and this is only temporary. As a little background, she went to running camp and got ate up by chiggers and had a bad blood infection. She was sick for a couple weeks and every since then every so often she gets this rash that looks like a bruise. It was not very frequent so I never put it together that it would be an allergy. She also had stomachaches, headaches, and some minor rashes that looked like dry skin. It never was right after she ate, so when they said that I was shocked.

Now I am a firm believer that the people who are the least educated are the ones who worry the most. Man was I right on that! I started studying and asking and joined some groups to learn more.

But the problem is it is so new that there is not a lot of information. The CDC doesn’t even recognize it as a tick borne illness at this time.

There are some that have this that go into anaphylactic shock, which I am glad she has not. I still don’t believe it, I guess, but I think that just because she will be fine. There is not a cure, but we have a God I give all of our fears and our problems too. I know he is going to get us through.

Although I am still scared it’s not going to go away & she’s going to have a lot of changes. If it gets worse she’s going to have to carry an EpiPen. For only an 11 year old that is a lot but I know there are other kids out there dealing with so much worse. It’s just a rough road, but I know that our God is strong enough to take care of whatever we need. We will know more in a few weeks and I will update as needed but I’ve never thought it would be my child but I’m grateful and a little relieved that we are finally getting answers.

It is a start and I pray God will watch over us. No ma’am what we face there is always a silver lining. We just have to look a little harder at times.

Until more answers, we will pray, and enjoy life. We find a way to move on.

Such a Time as This

This a tribute to an amazing person who is now in heaven rejoicing and singing praises. We lost a truly amazing person May 3, 2019. She was a warrior, child of Christ, mother, fighter, and so much more!

She was the kind of person that Even though she went through a major fight with cancer and the devil; she never complained. She always had a beautiful smile on her face and put others first. She always took the time to help others in need.

There were times when quitting seemed easier with some of the things I went through but she inspired me, along with many others, to be a better person & always keep going. She had a heart of gold. I just can not say enough good about her.

I struggled a few times and she always knew what to say. Some of her key phrases I remember her telling me is:

Winning: If you are out there trying you may not win the gold buckle but you will be winning. Never giving up will pay off if you keep trying. Winning is not letting the devil take your faith away! Winning is overcoming fear and conquering your demons. Winning is the baby steps you take on your way to greatness.

I was struggling with things after my wreck and not riding horses yet; and at the time she wasn’t riding horses either. She sent me this message and it gave me hope. She never waivered in her faith and was truly inspirational!

The last thing I got was a text from her, as even in her toughest times she still sent out a positive texts on Fridays.

“If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect anyone else to value you. Be the best you God intended you to be and not who the devil hoped you were.” Rpotter

She loved helping others and loved showing what Faith can do. I know many people said at her celebration of life, how she didn’t want anyone to know how sick she truly was. She did it because she didn’t want anyone to lose faith.

I was struggling with sleep and kept having nightmares for almost a month. Then one night, I had a dream with her in it. I sent this to her the next day but never got to tell her the details of the Dream.

“I had a dream about you last night. It was strange. You were at my house and we were talking about life and God. It was actually a very peaceful dream. Which I haven’t been having lately. I really can’t describe it. ”

See in this dream it felt so real, like she was right there. We talked about our kids, husbands, and everything else good going on with our lives. We talked about how God puts people in our lives for certain times, just like Esther. We talked how he protects us and in the end we will be surrounded by a peaceful fog with a huge glorious light shining through from above and we would be lifted up by the hand of God to the golden gates of Heaven.

This dream brought me so much peace and not even sure how it came about.

I will never be able to thank her enough or her family enough for supporting her while she followed Gods dreams for her. She was an amazing person and I just hope I’m at least 1/2 that good of a person. I’ll miss her Sunday morning services before barrel racing, her mentorship, her positive texts, her unbelievable prayers, her faith, her compassion, and most of all her heart. She absolutely loved her family and was so proud of them. Never once did I hear her say anything negative. She will truly be missed but I know I will see her again.

So in honor of her, think positive, be positive, show others positivity; but most of all HAVE FAITH and NEVER GIVE UP! Your problems are all in God’s hands so give it to him and focus on what God wants you to do with your life. As Roxy would say the battle was already won, you just focus on God and doing the right thing and let God handle your problems. Because YOU, YES You, were made for such a time as this!

Throw away your trash!

Have you ever drove down the road and seen trash scattered, or bags to be picked up? Have you seen someone’s vehicle that you can’t sit in because they haven’t cleaned it in years? Well our lives are pretty similar.

Just like the trash scattered all over the roads, we can scatter our “trash” as well. Think of a time you said something to someone that wasn’t nice when you were angry or hurt. Most people do that to try to make themselves feel better, or keep from getting hurt.

When honestly it is not making things better. As that words that got tossed out of your mouth has hurt someone. Just like the trash it can kill or hurt animals or other people.

We don’t think it’s a big deal, as we don’t deal with it. Someone else usually has to come through and clean up the mess.

Now there are times when you get called out for throwing trash out. But that doesn’t mean to keep it bottled up. That can be just as bad.

If we don’t properly handle your trash, it can destroy you. Just like a car that no one cleans out.

If we keep holding things in, whether it’s because too nice or too scared, it doesn’t end well. All their frustrations keep piling up, and they have no release. They have so much built up fear, frustration, disappointments, and negativity, that eventually there is no room for anyone else. Just like the car, if you can’t keep it clean, who wants to ride with you?

Whether you throw out trash, or keep it piled up, there is an answer! The answer is simple: leave your trash at the altar!

The only one that is strong enough to handle our problems or who can clean us up, is God. If we take it to the altar, leave everything there! Don’t throw it out to have others have to clean it up. Don’t hold it inside to build up. Take it to the garbage can and get rid of it!

The altar is there to be our garbage can. All our problems, hate, emotions, struggles, and whatever else we are struggling with.

The altar is there to help us make amends, open our hearts, and minds in order to clean us.

So when we are faced with difficulties, instead of throwing it out the window to affect others, or keeping it bottled up, take it to the altar!

Time to take out the trash and renew ourselves!

Last New Year Resolutions-Goals- Accomplished?

I had so much going on last year that I didn’t have time to process much. Between work, kids, and recovering, it really didn’t give me a chance.

Everyone in my family wrote on a piece of paper a goal for the year. The bigger the goal the better. My goal last year was simple, to get stronger so I can ride horses again.

Now I did get to ride a couple times last year for a short time. But the fear of the what if’s took over. Which is crazy as I didn’t get hurt on a horse. I got hurt in a truck. Crazy I know! I seen what it did to my husband and kids when I was not able to take care of myself, and I didn’t want it to happen again. So I became cautious.

With that means putting what I love in a drawer and locking it away. Not really on purpose but I just had something telling me not yet.

Maybe it was me listening to the doctor when he said he didn’t recommend me riding but if I did to wait at least a year. Maybe it was me fearing of what I would accomplish. Maybe it was a fear of what if I am unable to do what I love without hurting myself again.

So many things, yet my life was so hectic I never figured it out last year. During the New Year I did have a chance to reflect.

I know God was telling me not yet for a reason. I trust that he knows best and I should always follow when he tells me to do, or not to do something!

I realize that I am not afraid of horses or riding, I’m afraid getting on the horse and not being able to keep riding. Not of getting hurt, but me not being able to physically ride.

Yes I know it is a crazy thing to be scared of. I should be just thankful I am here, and I know I am blessed. Like everyone else, I have emotions too, and I’m human as well.

We put thoughts in our heads that sometimes keep us out of trouble, but sometimes they keep us from accomplishing great things.

I believe we are all here for a purpose and I know life is too short. So instead of all the what if’s, I am taking the next step.

The next step is actually getting back on a horse, not just for a few minutes. Then continuously riding all year. This is the only way I will know if I can do it still.

I still have back and hip pain, and never got my back fixed. So not 100% sure if my body will handle me riding like I used to. But if I don’t at least try, then I will be giving into what the devil wants. I will be giving into my fears, and for that I need to try!

Take the first step

If you want anything in life, you must work for it. Life is definitely not easy and it is full of trials. These trials are what helps us become who we are. Just as long as we remember that God gives us choices.

If we lose sight on what is good, we may lose sight of who we really are meant to become. But if we keep our eyes on God and the positives, we will continue to grow! Our growth will know no limits, and take us to heights we never dreamed of. The only thing it takes is for us to take the first step!

To be completely honest, I’ve struggled on finding on who I am meant to be. I thought I had it all figured out til my wreck. I was really good the first year, as I wanted to get better, to barrel race again. I had all the motivation and desire, but the pain was too much.

I couldn’t sit for 30 minutes or stand for 10 minutes. I knew that surgery was my next option. I was scared but knew if I wanted to do things I did before, I had to do it.

Surgery was brutal, not only on myself but for my husband and kids. I realized that I wanted to be there for them for the future. So I started babying myself.

Now I did my exercises and worked out and as long as I was doing that my pain with my back was good. So I decided to not fix my back. My hip was sore but nothing like before.

I did that for awhile and finally got back on a horse at my moms. I cried of course, (happy tears) but when I got home I didn’t have a horse to ride. I kept pushing myself to get stronger til my daughter got sick.

She had a blood infection from chigger bites and scared me. I was off work for a week and I let myself stop working out. It took a little while to get her back to where I wasn’t watching her constantly as she had flair ups. Ever since then it has been hard to get back into it.

I had developed a fear of doing things that I used to have so much confidence in the past. But the first step is realizing this. The first step is always the hardest and no matter what anyone says, it is possible!

So I have taken the first step again. This is and will always be an ongoing battle, but I am willing to keep praying and moving forward. I know God has plans for me and he is not done yet.

I am going to get back into exercising every day and working on overcoming fears I have obtained while on this journey. I know life is too short to not be happy. Life is also too short to my love your dreams!

I have a wonderful life and truly blessed right now, but I know God has bigger plans for me. For that I will take my first steps, to greatness! Each step may not be easy but at least it is forward motion!

Never Give up on what you love

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” Psalm 138:3

This was when I was 7 months post op. I am now officially one year post op.

This is a long post.

I won’t lie, after you get hurt sometimes it is hard to get back on or do things you used to do again. Not because you are scared of riding again, but just scared of the unknown and if it will be okay, what the new normal will be, or if the surgery(surgeries) worked. I was nervous today.

But this is what I have been waiting on! I have not barrel raced since September 2016 and it’s been a LONG journey! I know I still have a long journey ahead. But things that are your dreams are worth the rough roads to get there.

My left hip did good, my other hip is a little sore, but with the surgery I compensated by putting more pressure on the right hip.

Sorry I cried, honestly didn’t think my husband was videotaping. But I do want to tell everyone that no matter what you are going through or faced with, if you want something bad enough, never give up! Life is too short to live with regrets. You should never say I can’t, and always say I will. If you are struggling, God will get you through it all. If it wasn’t for the good Lord, I would have gave up a long time ago. He gives me strength to keep going.

I’ve had setbacks, and breakdowns. I just don’t let myself stay there. So if you are going through a tough time, there is hope. You just have to have Faith! Don’t ever give up! If you want something bad enough you will get there if you keep moving forward. It may not be the way you want it to be, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you love. You will have setbacks. Just remember those setbacks teach you something and make you stronger! On your journey think of at least one positive in each situation. Remember God has a plan for each one of us and a destiny we could not even imagine. So stay strong and keep focused on what is important.

So for those that don’t know my story, I was in a car accident in 2016. I’m 7 months post op from hip surgery. I sold all my riding horses since the accident so I wouldn’t be tempted before I was able to again. But the doctor recently told me I can SLOWLY start easing into it as tolerated. I was on a horse a few weeks ago, for a few minutes, but really didn’t get to ride. So I took advantage at my moms house. This is the first time I got to actually ride since I sold my little yellow horse last year. (I rode him about 3-4 times for about 15 minutes after I had my injection just around the house.) Then I sold him so I wouldn’t ride and hurt myself before I was meant to ride. I told some it was because I needed a free runner, but really it was God knowing how long of a road I would be on. I prayed long and hard about that as it was a very hard decision. So I am now back to square one again, I still have pain, but not constant. I have flare ups and I’m not 100% but I’m working on it. Keep having faith!

#thinkpositive #nevergiveup #staystrong #Godwillprovide #rundevilrun #roadtorecovery #nomorecrutches #ridinghorses #faithoverfear #overcomer #winning #Godwillmovemountains #fearisaliar

Brush your teeth (Faith)

I wrote this a few years ago when thinking about faith and feel this is true even today!

As I am sitting here waiting on my food, I heard a lady on the radio talking about brushing her teeth really good before going to the dentist. Then it hit me, our faith is like brushing our teeth.

Most people brush their teeth every day, some multiple times. The reason we do is to keep the bad stuff off our teeth. We go to the dentist when we have bad stuff that we can’t get off our teeth and although sometimes it hurts, it is worth it in the end. Same goes for faith!

Some pray every day, some multiple times a day. Some even go the extra mile and walk in faith and do good unto others, think of this as flossing and mouth rinse.

When we have a problem we can’t take care of right away, we go to the Lord. That is when he cleans us, he cuts the bad out of us and sometimes it hurts, sometimes we lose things we don’t want to, but in the end, we all have a purpose and it is worth it.

We don’t understand some things but we know the pain will not last although at times it feels like it will. So instead of trying to do a “thorough cleaning” shortly before you go to the Lord, cause you know you wont be able to get everything, show faith.

Remember Pray daily, and have faith. Now remember there will be times, where no matter what you do there will still be bad stuff, but always know the Lord is there to help you get through it. Felisha Whitman

Crossroads in life

I’m at a point in my life where I’m kind of stuck at a crossroad. I thank God every day for everything I have as he has provided me so much.

But sometimes I wonder if I meant for more sometimes I wonder if I’m on the right path. Before my accident I thought I knew what I was meant to do. But now there is a possibility that might not happen. I love horses and I know getting back on one is going to take a lot of work for myself. As when I got on my mom’s horse for that short time I was scared.

I don’t know what my journey may hold. I just know that no matter what I’ve got to keep trying. I am trying to live day by day instead of in the what if’s or future as tomorrow is never promised to anyone.

I love my life and if I wore to die today I would be happy. I get to live in the country, have my horses, work at an amazing place, I have wonderful family. I am no longer living in a world of regret.

I know everything happens for a reason and eventually some of those reasons come to light, other times they do not.

I know it’s hard, but I’m learning that just because your path changes directions, doesn’t mean the end. It just means the next road may be a detour and you will end on the same path. Or it could mean that where you end up is greater. God only knows and as long as we trust him, things will work out!

Don’t take things for granted

Never take anything for granted! No minute of the day is ever promised. So when you are struggling, remember someone else is wishing they could be in your position.

For those who go to a race and don’t clock to get a check, tip over barrels, still stuck in the 5D, be grateful. There is someone out there that would love the opportunity to be doing what you are doing. They would love to be able to go down that alley or even just ride a horse.

Sometimes our life changes, and so must our plans. Just because you are blessed to do something one day, doesn’t mean you can tomorrow. It doesn’t mean give up, you just have to adjust to your new normal.

This picture means so much to me and reminds me of how blessed I am.

The guy in the back, his name is Pastor Tim Wallace. He served the Lord and meant a lot to many. He is no longer with us. He didn’t lose his battle to cancer, he won. His faith stayed true during his trials and now he’s being rewarded greatly, with no pain!

This horse, Pacer, was another blessing. She was all heart and no matter what I asked, she gave it her all. I didn’t get to ride her but a few years because of an injury from her race track years.

Then there is myself, who loves barrel racing. I was truly blessed as there was a barrel race every night of the week where I live. I had dreams and goals of my own. But it wasn’t what God had planned at that time.

I got in a wreck and almost 2 years later, I am just able to ride a very broke horse. Only God knows if I will ever compete again.

I know that everything works out in Gods timing, but I would love to be able to run down that alley again. I remember those days that I was frustrated when we tipped a barrel or wasn’t clocking. But now, I would love to be able to do that again.

Life changes, faster than what we would like. Our great horses, family, & friends, leave us sometimes without even a warning.

So don’t take anything for granted and enjoy your time on earth! If you love it find a way. If you don’t move on. Life is too short to be worrying and living in the what if’s! Live in the right now! If you can’t do something you love anymore, find the positive in every situation!

Top of the mountain!

Have any of you tried to climb a mountain? I’m not talking about a hill, but a huge mountain. Achieving greatness or your goals, is like climbing a mountain if you really think about it.

There are lots of things you need to do to prepare for that climb. It also depends on how high that mountain is, or how big your goal is. Sometimes you may even need help/advice from someone to get you through some spots.

But without your foundation and supplies, you will never make it on your way up or stay on top. When climbing, sometimes the path is easygoing, other times it is harder.

Parts of the path will be a breeze, almost too easy. There also may be hills that need to be climbed at first to get to the base of the mountain. Some people even are happy here and that is fine. But to achieve your dreams and goals, you must be willing to keep going.

During that trip upwards you will face many struggles. From people telling you how hard it is, to you facing storms. The emotional side of it can be more draining then the physical at times. Those hills and mountains can be treacherous and if you fall, you may have to look for another route. But it is still possible. With God & hard work, anything is possible!

There will be others who try and fail, while you must keep going. There will be rockslides that can bring you down, but you must be willing to start over. There will be false summits, where you think you are there, but not quite.

You will endure pain, injury, loss, yet gain knowledge! If you don’t learn from your mistakes and move on, you will get held up.

If you decide to wait til better weather, you may never get there. So if you are faced with a huge storm, instead of waiting, you can still be doing something every day to prepare yourself.

If you prepare yourself for the journey then you will have a better chance! No matter what, always keep moving forward and upwards. Never back down or give up. It can take months to years of trying and failing, or as I call it learning, to get where you want to go.

When our current path gets blocked, find another way! Always stay focused on the positives, as those will get you through.

When you finally reach the top, your physical and mental health needs to be ready to handle the pressures you may face. As the closer to the top you get the harder it becomes. But when you reach the top, the joy outweighs all the falls, blocked paths, disappointments, and trials.

I needed to sell my Barrel Horse

So when I was told after my injection to slowly start riding again, I jumped at the chance. Although I knew in the back of my head this was not the right time.

At first I told myself it was because he was a push style and with my hip injury, I really needed a free runner. I also wanted a 1D horse so I can move up a division. So I kept thinking to sell him and slowly look for another one and by that time I would be ready.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I’ve had other horses but I had a connection with him. I got the horse when he only had 30 days of riding. I would ride him in an arena and he would run to the gate. He didn’t know how to neck rein, he was pretty flexible though and willing. He never loped before so he would do a crow hop at first til he learned where to place his feet with someone on him. It was by no means an “I don’t want you on me” buck.

I originally bought him for my daughter but they never really clicked. She could ride him but you could tell they just were not meant for each other. So I just kept riding him.

I trained him to where I could shoot a bow off of him, neck rein, move off your leg, carry flags, he won money in the 3D and 4D barrel races. He ran 22-23 in poles when I actually only played around in poles and ran him a couple times. He was easy to catch and just an overall fun horse to ride. He always took care of me! He was one of those horses that were just a joy to ride.

I had other horses I have bought and sold over the years and had no problem. There were some really good ones too. But this one was special!

I was so torn but God gave me strength to do it. I prayed about it for awhile and finally I decided to let go and trust God. This was a decision I made over more than a couple months.

The lady that I sold him to, has an unbelievable story and she is an inspiration. Looking back I know God placed her in my life for a reason and truly grateful I turned down a couple other people. I think she was the right fit.

It made my heart happy that he brought her joy. But I was still lost! I thought I was meant to go buy a free runner so when I was ready to ride I would just be ready. I would find a couple horses but nothing panned out.

I even had told a lady I would take a horse, but wanted to wait til she cleared from the vet. They made her an appointment that week and then when I called the vet, the vet said they cancelled the appointment. I called that lady and she had sold her to someone else. I know God was saving me on that one.

So then I started thinking, that is when I realized why I needed to sell my barrel horse. I didn’t have to sell him. He would have been perfect sitting in the pasture til I was ready.

It wasn’t because I needed a faster horse, it was because God had a plan for me and for that horse. But I know God’s plan is so much greater than mine!

He knew any horse I had, it would have to sit in the pasture for awhile. At the time I still wasn’t thinking I was going to have surgery. I thought I was on the downhill part of that journey. God knew different!

See in our lives God watches over each one of us. He knows what we are going to go through before we do. He knew I would be tempted to ride before I was physically and mentally ready so he took away all of the horses that I could ride.

I sold my barrel horse because I needed time. I needed to learn patience and how to grow both physically and mentally. I had to grow stronger in not only my faith but my body. I needed to help my daughters and enjoy time with them. I needed to focus on the little things in life as a whole picture.

God has put me on a wonderful journey and I know now I didn’t have to sell my horse, but I needed to. I’m trusting Gods plan! When I am ready to ride again, God will put a horse that’s ready in my life.

So for now I am enjoying my colts, family, work, and life! Each struggle we go through ends up a blessing in disguise, if we just open our hearts!

May 2016 dream

I was going through my memories on Facebook and something that popped up that brought back a lot of emotions. It was about my “papa” that I lost. He was a rancher, cowboy, and no matter what, he knew how to put a smile on my face!

“I had a dream last night & I was in a room with a lot of old pictures of my family growing up. A lot pictures of the ranch we grew up on with my nene & papa. All day I have been thinking of him for some reason.

When my grandpa passed away recently, it hit me hard as I was his raccoon. For the first few weeks I would wake before the alarm & I felt his presence, letting me know everything would be okay.

Well I’ve been stressed here lately & this morning, again I was woke up & had this motivation I could not explain. I remember our last conversation we had over the phone before he was sick, & he told me how much he was proud of me for everything with the horses & nursing.

I think the good Lord knew I needed this today as I want to continue to make the Lord happy as well as my family. I know I am not making my own plans, I’m just leaving it up to God as he knows better than I do, what I need. All I know is today I feel blessed to have the life I have, & it’s not easy but I will get where God wants me to go. With that I know in my heart as today he showed me I can.”