Take the first step

If you want anything in life, you must work for it. Life is definitely not easy and it is full of trials. These trials are what helps us become who we are. Just as long as we remember that God gives us choices.

If we lose sight on what is good, we may lose sight of who we really are meant to become. But if we keep our eyes on God and the positives, we will continue to grow! Our growth will know no limits, and take us to heights we never dreamed of. The only thing it takes is for us to take the first step!

To be completely honest, I’ve struggled on finding on who I am meant to be. I thought I had it all figured out til my wreck. I was really good the first year, as I wanted to get better, to barrel race again. I had all the motivation and desire, but the pain was too much.

I couldn’t sit for 30 minutes or stand for 10 minutes. I knew that surgery was my next option. I was scared but knew if I wanted to do things I did before, I had to do it.

Surgery was brutal, not only on myself but for my husband and kids. I realized that I wanted to be there for them for the future. So I started babying myself.

Now I did my exercises and worked out and as long as I was doing that my pain with my back was good. So I decided to not fix my back. My hip was sore but nothing like before.

I did that for awhile and finally got back on a horse at my moms. I cried of course, (happy tears) but when I got home I didn’t have a horse to ride. I kept pushing myself to get stronger til my daughter got sick.

She had a blood infection from chigger bites and scared me. I was off work for a week and I let myself stop working out. It took a little while to get her back to where I wasn’t watching her constantly as she had flair ups. Ever since then it has been hard to get back into it.

I had developed a fear of doing things that I used to have so much confidence in the past. But the first step is realizing this. The first step is always the hardest and no matter what anyone says, it is possible!

So I have taken the first step again. This is and will always be an ongoing battle, but I am willing to keep praying and moving forward. I know God has plans for me and he is not done yet.

I am going to get back into exercising every day and working on overcoming fears I have obtained while on this journey. I know life is too short to not be happy. Life is also too short to my love your dreams!

I have a wonderful life and truly blessed right now, but I know God has bigger plans for me. For that I will take my first steps, to greatness! Each step may not be easy but at least it is forward motion!

Never Give up on what you love

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” Psalm 138:3

This was when I was 7 months post op. I am now officially one year post op.

This is a long post.

I won’t lie, after you get hurt sometimes it is hard to get back on or do things you used to do again. Not because you are scared of riding again, but just scared of the unknown and if it will be okay, what the new normal will be, or if the surgery(surgeries) worked. I was nervous today.

But this is what I have been waiting on! I have not barrel raced since September 2016 and it’s been a LONG journey! I know I still have a long journey ahead. But things that are your dreams are worth the rough roads to get there.

My left hip did good, my other hip is a little sore, but with the surgery I compensated by putting more pressure on the right hip.

Sorry I cried, honestly didn’t think my husband was videotaping. But I do want to tell everyone that no matter what you are going through or faced with, if you want something bad enough, never give up! Life is too short to live with regrets. You should never say I can’t, and always say I will. If you are struggling, God will get you through it all. If it wasn’t for the good Lord, I would have gave up a long time ago. He gives me strength to keep going.

I’ve had setbacks, and breakdowns. I just don’t let myself stay there. So if you are going through a tough time, there is hope. You just have to have Faith! Don’t ever give up! If you want something bad enough you will get there if you keep moving forward. It may not be the way you want it to be, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you love. You will have setbacks. Just remember those setbacks teach you something and make you stronger! On your journey think of at least one positive in each situation. Remember God has a plan for each one of us and a destiny we could not even imagine. So stay strong and keep focused on what is important.

So for those that don’t know my story, I was in a car accident in 2016. I’m 7 months post op from hip surgery. I sold all my riding horses since the accident so I wouldn’t be tempted before I was able to again. But the doctor recently told me I can SLOWLY start easing into it as tolerated. I was on a horse a few weeks ago, for a few minutes, but really didn’t get to ride. So I took advantage at my moms house. This is the first time I got to actually ride since I sold my little yellow horse last year. (I rode him about 3-4 times for about 15 minutes after I had my injection just around the house.) Then I sold him so I wouldn’t ride and hurt myself before I was meant to ride. I told some it was because I needed a free runner, but really it was God knowing how long of a road I would be on. I prayed long and hard about that as it was a very hard decision. So I am now back to square one again, I still have pain, but not constant. I have flare ups and I’m not 100% but I’m working on it. Keep having faith!

#thinkpositive #nevergiveup #staystrong #Godwillprovide #rundevilrun #roadtorecovery #nomorecrutches #ridinghorses #faithoverfear #overcomer #winning #Godwillmovemountains #fearisaliar

Brush your teeth (Faith)

I wrote this a few years ago when thinking about faith and feel this is true even today!

As I am sitting here waiting on my food, I heard a lady on the radio talking about brushing her teeth really good before going to the dentist. Then it hit me, our faith is like brushing our teeth.

Most people brush their teeth every day, some multiple times. The reason we do is to keep the bad stuff off our teeth. We go to the dentist when we have bad stuff that we can’t get off our teeth and although sometimes it hurts, it is worth it in the end. Same goes for faith!

Some pray every day, some multiple times a day. Some even go the extra mile and walk in faith and do good unto others, think of this as flossing and mouth rinse.

When we have a problem we can’t take care of right away, we go to the Lord. That is when he cleans us, he cuts the bad out of us and sometimes it hurts, sometimes we lose things we don’t want to, but in the end, we all have a purpose and it is worth it.

We don’t understand some things but we know the pain will not last although at times it feels like it will. So instead of trying to do a “thorough cleaning” shortly before you go to the Lord, cause you know you wont be able to get everything, show faith.

Remember Pray daily, and have faith. Now remember there will be times, where no matter what you do there will still be bad stuff, but always know the Lord is there to help you get through it. Felisha Whitman

Don’t take things for granted

Never take anything for granted! No minute of the day is ever promised. So when you are struggling, remember someone else is wishing they could be in your position.

For those who go to a race and don’t clock to get a check, tip over barrels, still stuck in the 5D, be grateful. There is someone out there that would love the opportunity to be doing what you are doing. They would love to be able to go down that alley or even just ride a horse.

Sometimes our life changes, and so must our plans. Just because you are blessed to do something one day, doesn’t mean you can tomorrow. It doesn’t mean give up, you just have to adjust to your new normal.

This picture means so much to me and reminds me of how blessed I am.

The guy in the back, his name is Pastor Tim Wallace. He served the Lord and meant a lot to many. He is no longer with us. He didn’t lose his battle to cancer, he won. His faith stayed true during his trials and now he’s being rewarded greatly, with no pain!

This horse, Pacer, was another blessing. She was all heart and no matter what I asked, she gave it her all. I didn’t get to ride her but a few years because of an injury from her race track years.

Then there is myself, who loves barrel racing. I was truly blessed as there was a barrel race every night of the week where I live. I had dreams and goals of my own. But it wasn’t what God had planned at that time.

I got in a wreck and almost 2 years later, I am just able to ride a very broke horse. Only God knows if I will ever compete again.

I know that everything works out in Gods timing, but I would love to be able to run down that alley again. I remember those days that I was frustrated when we tipped a barrel or wasn’t clocking. But now, I would love to be able to do that again.

Life changes, faster than what we would like. Our great horses, family, & friends, leave us sometimes without even a warning.

So don’t take anything for granted and enjoy your time on earth! If you love it find a way. If you don’t move on. Life is too short to be worrying and living in the what if’s! Live in the right now! If you can’t do something you love anymore, find the positive in every situation!

Labor Day

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24

No two people are alike and we all have special talents. It’s what we do with them, that truly matters! Our jobs are not just a way for bills to be paid.

Take parenthood for example, it’s not done for the pay. I know some get paid, but if it’s about the money, you are in it for the wrong reasons. Parenting is a hard job, that takes dedication, compassion, and faith to get through the times of sorrow. It is probably one of the most difficult, yet rewarding jobs out there.

There are many other professions that people can do. It should not be about how much money we make. It should be about how we can serve others.

You see, any profession, is a service to others as well as God. God let us have those skills to do great things. So if we always try to please our Holy Father, we will continue to do good work.

We should use our skill set for good and not evil. If you go into a profession because it pays good, then you will never truly experience the rewards God has in store.

God watches us every day, and he knows what is in our hearts. If you are working hard and don’t think anyone notices you are wrong! God notices it and he is the ultimate boss! If you make him happy, you will have bigger bonuses than you can ever imagine!

So I challenge each and every one of you, to find what you love! Then make a living doing it, while serving others and the Lord!

Top of the mountain!

Have any of you tried to climb a mountain? I’m not talking about a hill, but a huge mountain. Achieving greatness or your goals, is like climbing a mountain if you really think about it.

There are lots of things you need to do to prepare for that climb. It also depends on how high that mountain is, or how big your goal is. Sometimes you may even need help/advice from someone to get you through some spots.

But without your foundation and supplies, you will never make it on your way up or stay on top. When climbing, sometimes the path is easygoing, other times it is harder.

Parts of the path will be a breeze, almost too easy. There also may be hills that need to be climbed at first to get to the base of the mountain. Some people even are happy here and that is fine. But to achieve your dreams and goals, you must be willing to keep going.

During that trip upwards you will face many struggles. From people telling you how hard it is, to you facing storms. The emotional side of it can be more draining then the physical at times. Those hills and mountains can be treacherous and if you fall, you may have to look for another route. But it is still possible. With God & hard work, anything is possible!

There will be others who try and fail, while you must keep going. There will be rockslides that can bring you down, but you must be willing to start over. There will be false summits, where you think you are there, but not quite.

You will endure pain, injury, loss, yet gain knowledge! If you don’t learn from your mistakes and move on, you will get held up.

If you decide to wait til better weather, you may never get there. So if you are faced with a huge storm, instead of waiting, you can still be doing something every day to prepare yourself.

If you prepare yourself for the journey then you will have a better chance! No matter what, always keep moving forward and upwards. Never back down or give up. It can take months to years of trying and failing, or as I call it learning, to get where you want to go.

When our current path gets blocked, find another way! Always stay focused on the positives, as those will get you through.

When you finally reach the top, your physical and mental health needs to be ready to handle the pressures you may face. As the closer to the top you get the harder it becomes. But when you reach the top, the joy outweighs all the falls, blocked paths, disappointments, and trials.

Letter to my daughter’s

To my daughter’s, who I love more than they will ever know. I pray for you every day and only wish the best!

I hope that you will always follow your dreams and never give up. Life does get rough, but it’s how we handle ourselves through the rough patches that make us who we are.

I pray you keep chasing your dreams and passions! God put you on this earth for a reason, you are special! If you want something bad enough, then work hard and pray harder!

I pray that when things get tough, you will always have someone there that is willing to be your battle buddy!

I pray you have courage and strength when things happen to keep your Faith! Life is not easy and full of people who try to bring you down. People may put you down, yet they do not know what you have been through. Those people don’t matter, as the only one that matters is the good Lord himself! As long as you put him first, you’ll end up right where you are meant to be.

I pray that you never settle for a man who doesn’t treat you right or make you happy. There are millions of men out there, but God put one on this earth for you! But if you settle, you may never know him. So until you find the right man, it’s okay to be single. Having the wrong man in your life is more detrimental then having no man.

I pray that no matter what happens you will always know that I love you and always will! God blessed me with amazing daughters and I am truly happy!

I pray for happiness, health, and prosperity for my girls. You girls are amazing and I know God has huge plans for you. Don’t ever think you do not deserve the best. You are a gift from God and he will get you through anything.

Hip Labral surgery what to expect

I already went over some things to buy, in another post, but there is so much more that went with this surgery.

It is a good idea to have something to keep you emotionally well. You are pretty much helpless for at least the first week and I needed help for awhile after that. There will be many ups & downs that you need to prepare for.

I am a very independent person so this played a toll on me as I was unable to do things I used to do. I went in thinking the surgery was going to be a breeze and I would be hunting within a month.

It was not the case. I was on crutches a little longer than I would like as they said my bones were really soft. I started therapy the next day, but if I could go back I would have asked for Home Health first before outpatient therapy.

It was a struggle to get to and from therapy and someone had to drive me. Home health would have been great for at least 2 weeks to get going before transferring to outpatient. I really didn’t need pain medication, at least at first. But I took them around the clock to make sure.

I didn’t have to take too many medications but they wanted me to take one for sure to prevent bone growth til a little while later.

I recommend a medication planner, or something to keep track of your medications on when you took them and what time. It was fuzzy to me so I had to write stuff down. I would forget if I took it and didn’t want to overdose.

My brain was so fuzzy for awhile and I forgot quickly! It was not a good thing and I worried I wouldn’t get better. I even had problems with my vision and had hallucinations. Now I know not everyone will have the same reaction to the anesthesia, but this is what I went through.

My husband helped me out a lot and I vented to him a lot. Normally I would go ride my horse, but since I could not, I had to find some way to not hold things in. I’m still recovering and mentally and physically.

I also took up journaling, although I was doing that before surgery for a bible study group. This helped when I was just so overwhelmed and wanted to be by myself. It gave me time to reflect.

So it does take awhile and there are ups and downs. Just what ever you do, don’t give up. I have been through a lot of hard times in this journey, but it is all in the baby steps.

I’m now 7 months post op (in a few day) and I still have flare ups, I’m not where I want to be, but I am getting there. I’m off crutches, my vision has returned, I’m not forgetting things like before, and I am still here!

No matter what your struggles are, we serve an amazing God who will get us through our tough times! It does help to talk about it & write it down. I still struggle on days and I’ve had some pain in my right hip since due to compensation as well as right knee. But overall I am slowly on the mend.

Just remember take care of yourself physically and mentally!

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD” Jeremiah 30:17

I needed to sell my Barrel Horse

So when I was told after my injection to slowly start riding again, I jumped at the chance. Although I knew in the back of my head this was not the right time.

At first I told myself it was because he was a push style and with my hip injury, I really needed a free runner. I also wanted a 1D horse so I can move up a division. So I kept thinking to sell him and slowly look for another one and by that time I would be ready.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I’ve had other horses but I had a connection with him. I got the horse when he only had 30 days of riding. I would ride him in an arena and he would run to the gate. He didn’t know how to neck rein, he was pretty flexible though and willing. He never loped before so he would do a crow hop at first til he learned where to place his feet with someone on him. It was by no means an “I don’t want you on me” buck.

I originally bought him for my daughter but they never really clicked. She could ride him but you could tell they just were not meant for each other. So I just kept riding him.

I trained him to where I could shoot a bow off of him, neck rein, move off your leg, carry flags, he won money in the 3D and 4D barrel races. He ran 22-23 in poles when I actually only played around in poles and ran him a couple times. He was easy to catch and just an overall fun horse to ride. He always took care of me! He was one of those horses that were just a joy to ride.

I had other horses I have bought and sold over the years and had no problem. There were some really good ones too. But this one was special!

I was so torn but God gave me strength to do it. I prayed about it for awhile and finally I decided to let go and trust God. This was a decision I made over more than a couple months.

The lady that I sold him to, has an unbelievable story and she is an inspiration. Looking back I know God placed her in my life for a reason and truly grateful I turned down a couple other people. I think she was the right fit.

It made my heart happy that he brought her joy. But I was still lost! I thought I was meant to go buy a free runner so when I was ready to ride I would just be ready. I would find a couple horses but nothing panned out.

I even had told a lady I would take a horse, but wanted to wait til she cleared from the vet. They made her an appointment that week and then when I called the vet, the vet said they cancelled the appointment. I called that lady and she had sold her to someone else. I know God was saving me on that one.

So then I started thinking, that is when I realized why I needed to sell my barrel horse. I didn’t have to sell him. He would have been perfect sitting in the pasture til I was ready.

It wasn’t because I needed a faster horse, it was because God had a plan for me and for that horse. But I know God’s plan is so much greater than mine!

He knew any horse I had, it would have to sit in the pasture for awhile. At the time I still wasn’t thinking I was going to have surgery. I thought I was on the downhill part of that journey. God knew different!

See in our lives God watches over each one of us. He knows what we are going to go through before we do. He knew I would be tempted to ride before I was physically and mentally ready so he took away all of the horses that I could ride.

I sold my barrel horse because I needed time. I needed to learn patience and how to grow both physically and mentally. I had to grow stronger in not only my faith but my body. I needed to help my daughters and enjoy time with them. I needed to focus on the little things in life as a whole picture.

God has put me on a wonderful journey and I know now I didn’t have to sell my horse, but I needed to. I’m trusting Gods plan! When I am ready to ride again, God will put a horse that’s ready in my life.

So for now I am enjoying my colts, family, work, and life! Each struggle we go through ends up a blessing in disguise, if we just open our hearts!

Second week post op labral tear surgery

Well I can now get on and off the couch and the first part of week 2 I got in my bed and managed to sleep there. I had to take a pain killer as it hurt, when on the bed. But it was another step forward! I didn’t take any hydro-acet during the day, just at night

During the day I took the low dose aspirin still and Naproxen 2x a day to prevent bone ossification. My doctor was very adamant about taking the naproxen. To help with ulcer prevention, I also took medication to help that in the mornings.

I was awake enough to where I decided to work from home. It was not a lot of work, mainly computer work and talking on the phone at times. I didn’t really get off the couch much but did my “ankle pumps” and other exercises therapy recommended.

I noticed my ability to multi-task was non-existent and I forgot things easily. I had to do one thing at a time, which I am not used to. I also had to write stuff down to remind me to do something.

So I was scared that would continue and I would not get better. I was scared that I would be stuck being slow and could not do my job how it should be done.

My therapy went good this week, mainly just stretching exercises. I had a couple bad days but nothing to major. I was still on crutches and the brace. God was getting me through and giving me the strength I needed. I knew that this will pass and I was no longer impatient.

I have learned previously that no matter what, God will get me through threw bad times. I learned that we all have to go through trials to make us stronger. Each one of our journeys are different buy if we have Faith in God, our end result is the same. Yes I am ready to be free of this part of my life, but it is now part of me. I will keep on going.

Third week post op labral tear surgery

Monday I was not cleared to go back to work so just went to therapy and worked from home. I didn’t feel too bad, just sore and muscles tight.

Tuesday my husband drove me up the doctor, and I had a couple xrays. Everything looked good, and he said I could take off my brace and crutches next week. He also cleared me to drive as long as I felt okay. I was happy, and decided since I had my husband with me, I would try to drive, and if it didn’t work out then he could take over. Well when I was at the truck I was up on the curb, and I had my front door open. When I tried to get off the curb I lost my balance. I started to put pressure on my left leg, so I leaned forward and didn’t

catch myself. I ended up faceplanting into the truck. I caught my face on the steering wheel, but I didn’t hurt my hip thankfully. I went home and iced it.

Wednesday I went back to work, which that was a long day and definitely was sore that night. I was still on crutches and my brace so my muscles were pretty tight.

Thursday went to therapy and didn’t do too much as I was pretty sore from the day before. I started walking with my crutches as the doctor gave me 50% weight bearing status. I was slow and used the crutches but it made me feel like there was hope. When I got home I iced it. I still had a low grade fever and wasn’t able to multi-task.

Life on crutches part one

The first part of the struggles with being on crutches was gaining strength. Trying to walk very far took a lot out of me. It was also a challenge getting up and down stairs, in and out of stores, and just doing regular tasks.

I was blessed having horses so my upper body strength wasn’t too bad, but some muscles you just don’t use.

In the beginning, I had someone carry everything for me, from food to laptop for work. It was December 1 when I was put on crutches so of course, I couldn’t help decorate for Christmas.

Having to sit around while other people took care of my animals, decorated for Christmas, and did things for me I was unable to do at the time, bothered me. I had a some pity parties, got frustrated, cried, and withdrew at times.

My hunting season was not great either as I didn’t get to hunt much. So not being able to help provide meat in the freezer was a downfall as well.

I wanted so much to just go about my life with no worries, but there I was limited. I started thinking of all the things I couldn’t do, and what I was missing out on. I just felt helpless.

I couldn’t jump on the trampoline, couldn’t walk my horse, couldn’t go to BBR

Finals although I qualified. I was upset because I had a chance to be top 10 in my horses division, but due to the wreck I had to stop riding horses until I was cleared. I started getting grumpy and withdrew.

Then of course my husband stepped in and he allowed me to have a breakdown, pity party, or whatever you want to call it. I cried and afterwards I felt so much better. I then turned to God for answers and realized that although my current situation was tough, it was not who I was, I am no quitter.

I am really good at talking with God when things are going good, but I have struggled with getting closer to him when I struggle.

I started thinking of all the positives, and found a way to carry my computer for work. I didn’t give up and got my horse to lead him with my crutches. I figured out solutions to a my problems that I could address.

I had my kids take turns going to the store with me so I could shop instead of my husband, unless it required heavy lifting.

I spent time with my horse just brushing him while on crutches. My barrel horse was in the barn, so I had to have someone catch him and turn him loose in the pasture for a little bit then put him back up. I tried leading him with the crutches but I would hit his leg and it wouldn’t work out. I never gave up though and kept trying! One day we both figured out how to manage with me on crutches. That was a “winning” situation, and I felt so independent and happy!

I wrote in a journal to release some frustrations and challenges.

I learned how to carry plates, and drinks with my crutches and managed to get in and out of the shower by myself.

Now it was hard when I got my letter for BBR finals and had to just throw it away. But I prayed about it and came to the conclusion there was a reason for me not going.

Well during the BBR they had a bad storm and they didn’t get to perform all days and some trailers were tipped over. So God protected me from that.

God has showed me different things along the way. I read the whole bible front to back then started picking it apart to really understand it. This helped me out and the books of Job and Esther stuck out to me.

Esther was born to do something great, although she was scared and didn’ know how.

Job had so much faith, even after loosing everything. He never gave up!

They both were rewarded for the love they shared for God and doing what was right, even when it was hard.

I missed out a lot with my girls, husband, and horses. But I did grow. I grew spiritually and physically.

Through physical therapy I gained strength and different excercises to keep my strength and get stronger than before.

Spiritually I grew closer to God, and opened my eyes. I learned patience, perseverance, hope, and faith the hard way. I learned that no matter what God is close to the broken hearted and he does provide. Although I already knew it, he reinforced it.

I made it through, and after months of being non weight bearing my fracture started to heal.

I was able to get off crutches and had an injection in my hip. The doctor wanted me to continue excercising and gaining strength so when or if I need surgery, I will be strong enough. He said recovery would be easier that way. It was kind of a relief I would be off crutches for summer.

First blog post

pexels-photo-247462.jpegI started this blog to share with others, my journey.  We each have ups and downs. But during these tests, we have our testimonies. With my journey I have seen my share of trials that I have overcome. My journey is not over yet and still working on accomplishing my dreams! I just hope that by sharing my stories, it may help at least one person in their journey.