Last New Year Resolutions-Goals- Accomplished?

I had so much going on last year that I didn’t have time to process much. Between work, kids, and recovering, it really didn’t give me a chance.

Everyone in my family wrote on a piece of paper a goal for the year. The bigger the goal the better. My goal last year was simple, to get stronger so I can ride horses again.

Now I did get to ride a couple times last year for a short time. But the fear of the what if’s took over. Which is crazy as I didn’t get hurt on a horse. I got hurt in a truck. Crazy I know! I seen what it did to my husband and kids when I was not able to take care of myself, and I didn’t want it to happen again. So I became cautious.

With that means putting what I love in a drawer and locking it away. Not really on purpose but I just had something telling me not yet.

Maybe it was me listening to the doctor when he said he didn’t recommend me riding but if I did to wait at least a year. Maybe it was me fearing of what I would accomplish. Maybe it was a fear of what if I am unable to do what I love without hurting myself again.

So many things, yet my life was so hectic I never figured it out last year. During the New Year I did have a chance to reflect.

I know God was telling me not yet for a reason. I trust that he knows best and I should always follow when he tells me to do, or not to do something!

I realize that I am not afraid of horses or riding, I’m afraid getting on the horse and not being able to keep riding. Not of getting hurt, but me not being able to physically ride.

Yes I know it is a crazy thing to be scared of. I should be just thankful I am here, and I know I am blessed. Like everyone else, I have emotions too, and I’m human as well.

We put thoughts in our heads that sometimes keep us out of trouble, but sometimes they keep us from accomplishing great things.

I believe we are all here for a purpose and I know life is too short. So instead of all the what if’s, I am taking the next step.

The next step is actually getting back on a horse, not just for a few minutes. Then continuously riding all year. This is the only way I will know if I can do it still.

I still have back and hip pain, and never got my back fixed. So not 100% sure if my body will handle me riding like I used to. But if I don’t at least try, then I will be giving into what the devil wants. I will be giving into my fears, and for that I need to try!

Take the first step

If you want anything in life, you must work for it. Life is definitely not easy and it is full of trials. These trials are what helps us become who we are. Just as long as we remember that God gives us choices.

If we lose sight on what is good, we may lose sight of who we really are meant to become. But if we keep our eyes on God and the positives, we will continue to grow! Our growth will know no limits, and take us to heights we never dreamed of. The only thing it takes is for us to take the first step!

To be completely honest, I’ve struggled on finding on who I am meant to be. I thought I had it all figured out til my wreck. I was really good the first year, as I wanted to get better, to barrel race again. I had all the motivation and desire, but the pain was too much.

I couldn’t sit for 30 minutes or stand for 10 minutes. I knew that surgery was my next option. I was scared but knew if I wanted to do things I did before, I had to do it.

Surgery was brutal, not only on myself but for my husband and kids. I realized that I wanted to be there for them for the future. So I started babying myself.

Now I did my exercises and worked out and as long as I was doing that my pain with my back was good. So I decided to not fix my back. My hip was sore but nothing like before.

I did that for awhile and finally got back on a horse at my moms. I cried of course, (happy tears) but when I got home I didn’t have a horse to ride. I kept pushing myself to get stronger til my daughter got sick.

She had a blood infection from chigger bites and scared me. I was off work for a week and I let myself stop working out. It took a little while to get her back to where I wasn’t watching her constantly as she had flair ups. Ever since then it has been hard to get back into it.

I had developed a fear of doing things that I used to have so much confidence in the past. But the first step is realizing this. The first step is always the hardest and no matter what anyone says, it is possible!

So I have taken the first step again. This is and will always be an ongoing battle, but I am willing to keep praying and moving forward. I know God has plans for me and he is not done yet.

I am going to get back into exercising every day and working on overcoming fears I have obtained while on this journey. I know life is too short to not be happy. Life is also too short to my love your dreams!

I have a wonderful life and truly blessed right now, but I know God has bigger plans for me. For that I will take my first steps, to greatness! Each step may not be easy but at least it is forward motion!

Never Give up on what you love

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” Psalm 138:3

This was when I was 7 months post op. I am now officially one year post op.

This is a long post.

I won’t lie, after you get hurt sometimes it is hard to get back on or do things you used to do again. Not because you are scared of riding again, but just scared of the unknown and if it will be okay, what the new normal will be, or if the surgery(surgeries) worked. I was nervous today.

But this is what I have been waiting on! I have not barrel raced since September 2016 and it’s been a LONG journey! I know I still have a long journey ahead. But things that are your dreams are worth the rough roads to get there.

My left hip did good, my other hip is a little sore, but with the surgery I compensated by putting more pressure on the right hip.

Sorry I cried, honestly didn’t think my husband was videotaping. But I do want to tell everyone that no matter what you are going through or faced with, if you want something bad enough, never give up! Life is too short to live with regrets. You should never say I can’t, and always say I will. If you are struggling, God will get you through it all. If it wasn’t for the good Lord, I would have gave up a long time ago. He gives me strength to keep going.

I’ve had setbacks, and breakdowns. I just don’t let myself stay there. So if you are going through a tough time, there is hope. You just have to have Faith! Don’t ever give up! If you want something bad enough you will get there if you keep moving forward. It may not be the way you want it to be, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you love. You will have setbacks. Just remember those setbacks teach you something and make you stronger! On your journey think of at least one positive in each situation. Remember God has a plan for each one of us and a destiny we could not even imagine. So stay strong and keep focused on what is important.

So for those that don’t know my story, I was in a car accident in 2016. I’m 7 months post op from hip surgery. I sold all my riding horses since the accident so I wouldn’t be tempted before I was able to again. But the doctor recently told me I can SLOWLY start easing into it as tolerated. I was on a horse a few weeks ago, for a few minutes, but really didn’t get to ride. So I took advantage at my moms house. This is the first time I got to actually ride since I sold my little yellow horse last year. (I rode him about 3-4 times for about 15 minutes after I had my injection just around the house.) Then I sold him so I wouldn’t ride and hurt myself before I was meant to ride. I told some it was because I needed a free runner, but really it was God knowing how long of a road I would be on. I prayed long and hard about that as it was a very hard decision. So I am now back to square one again, I still have pain, but not constant. I have flare ups and I’m not 100% but I’m working on it. Keep having faith!

#thinkpositive #nevergiveup #staystrong #Godwillprovide #rundevilrun #roadtorecovery #nomorecrutches #ridinghorses #faithoverfear #overcomer #winning #Godwillmovemountains #fearisaliar

Hip Labral surgery what to expect

I already went over some things to buy, in another post, but there is so much more that went with this surgery.

It is a good idea to have something to keep you emotionally well. You are pretty much helpless for at least the first week and I needed help for awhile after that. There will be many ups & downs that you need to prepare for.

I am a very independent person so this played a toll on me as I was unable to do things I used to do. I went in thinking the surgery was going to be a breeze and I would be hunting within a month.

It was not the case. I was on crutches a little longer than I would like as they said my bones were really soft. I started therapy the next day, but if I could go back I would have asked for Home Health first before outpatient therapy.

It was a struggle to get to and from therapy and someone had to drive me. Home health would have been great for at least 2 weeks to get going before transferring to outpatient. I really didn’t need pain medication, at least at first. But I took them around the clock to make sure.

I didn’t have to take too many medications but they wanted me to take one for sure to prevent bone growth til a little while later.

I recommend a medication planner, or something to keep track of your medications on when you took them and what time. It was fuzzy to me so I had to write stuff down. I would forget if I took it and didn’t want to overdose.

My brain was so fuzzy for awhile and I forgot quickly! It was not a good thing and I worried I wouldn’t get better. I even had problems with my vision and had hallucinations. Now I know not everyone will have the same reaction to the anesthesia, but this is what I went through.

My husband helped me out a lot and I vented to him a lot. Normally I would go ride my horse, but since I could not, I had to find some way to not hold things in. I’m still recovering and mentally and physically.

I also took up journaling, although I was doing that before surgery for a bible study group. This helped when I was just so overwhelmed and wanted to be by myself. It gave me time to reflect.

So it does take awhile and there are ups and downs. Just what ever you do, don’t give up. I have been through a lot of hard times in this journey, but it is all in the baby steps.

I’m now 7 months post op (in a few day) and I still have flare ups, I’m not where I want to be, but I am getting there. I’m off crutches, my vision has returned, I’m not forgetting things like before, and I am still here!

No matter what your struggles are, we serve an amazing God who will get us through our tough times! It does help to talk about it & write it down. I still struggle on days and I’ve had some pain in my right hip since due to compensation as well as right knee. But overall I am slowly on the mend.

Just remember take care of yourself physically and mentally!

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD” Jeremiah 30:17

I needed to sell my Barrel Horse

So when I was told after my injection to slowly start riding again, I jumped at the chance. Although I knew in the back of my head this was not the right time.

At first I told myself it was because he was a push style and with my hip injury, I really needed a free runner. I also wanted a 1D horse so I can move up a division. So I kept thinking to sell him and slowly look for another one and by that time I would be ready.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I’ve had other horses but I had a connection with him. I got the horse when he only had 30 days of riding. I would ride him in an arena and he would run to the gate. He didn’t know how to neck rein, he was pretty flexible though and willing. He never loped before so he would do a crow hop at first til he learned where to place his feet with someone on him. It was by no means an “I don’t want you on me” buck.

I originally bought him for my daughter but they never really clicked. She could ride him but you could tell they just were not meant for each other. So I just kept riding him.

I trained him to where I could shoot a bow off of him, neck rein, move off your leg, carry flags, he won money in the 3D and 4D barrel races. He ran 22-23 in poles when I actually only played around in poles and ran him a couple times. He was easy to catch and just an overall fun horse to ride. He always took care of me! He was one of those horses that were just a joy to ride.

I had other horses I have bought and sold over the years and had no problem. There were some really good ones too. But this one was special!

I was so torn but God gave me strength to do it. I prayed about it for awhile and finally I decided to let go and trust God. This was a decision I made over more than a couple months.

The lady that I sold him to, has an unbelievable story and she is an inspiration. Looking back I know God placed her in my life for a reason and truly grateful I turned down a couple other people. I think she was the right fit.

It made my heart happy that he brought her joy. But I was still lost! I thought I was meant to go buy a free runner so when I was ready to ride I would just be ready. I would find a couple horses but nothing panned out.

I even had told a lady I would take a horse, but wanted to wait til she cleared from the vet. They made her an appointment that week and then when I called the vet, the vet said they cancelled the appointment. I called that lady and she had sold her to someone else. I know God was saving me on that one.

So then I started thinking, that is when I realized why I needed to sell my barrel horse. I didn’t have to sell him. He would have been perfect sitting in the pasture til I was ready.

It wasn’t because I needed a faster horse, it was because God had a plan for me and for that horse. But I know God’s plan is so much greater than mine!

He knew any horse I had, it would have to sit in the pasture for awhile. At the time I still wasn’t thinking I was going to have surgery. I thought I was on the downhill part of that journey. God knew different!

See in our lives God watches over each one of us. He knows what we are going to go through before we do. He knew I would be tempted to ride before I was physically and mentally ready so he took away all of the horses that I could ride.

I sold my barrel horse because I needed time. I needed to learn patience and how to grow both physically and mentally. I had to grow stronger in not only my faith but my body. I needed to help my daughters and enjoy time with them. I needed to focus on the little things in life as a whole picture.

God has put me on a wonderful journey and I know now I didn’t have to sell my horse, but I needed to. I’m trusting Gods plan! When I am ready to ride again, God will put a horse that’s ready in my life.

So for now I am enjoying my colts, family, work, and life! Each struggle we go through ends up a blessing in disguise, if we just open our hearts!

Third week post op labral tear surgery

Monday I was not cleared to go back to work so just went to therapy and worked from home. I didn’t feel too bad, just sore and muscles tight.

Tuesday my husband drove me up the doctor, and I had a couple xrays. Everything looked good, and he said I could take off my brace and crutches next week. He also cleared me to drive as long as I felt okay. I was happy, and decided since I had my husband with me, I would try to drive, and if it didn’t work out then he could take over. Well when I was at the truck I was up on the curb, and I had my front door open. When I tried to get off the curb I lost my balance. I started to put pressure on my left leg, so I leaned forward and didn’t

catch myself. I ended up faceplanting into the truck. I caught my face on the steering wheel, but I didn’t hurt my hip thankfully. I went home and iced it.

Wednesday I went back to work, which that was a long day and definitely was sore that night. I was still on crutches and my brace so my muscles were pretty tight.

Thursday went to therapy and didn’t do too much as I was pretty sore from the day before. I started walking with my crutches as the doctor gave me 50% weight bearing status. I was slow and used the crutches but it made me feel like there was hope. When I got home I iced it. I still had a low grade fever and wasn’t able to multi-task.

Labral Tear Surgery

Hopefully this will help someone prepare for their journey. It is not an easy one.

Since I already had the crutches, we put them in the truck for afterwards. I was not able to eat or drink, so got up and took off my wedding rings and put them in a safe spot at the house. I figured it would be safer than the hospital, so only took what I wore that day.

I wore baggy clothes that I actually went out and bought before so it was easy to slip on after surgery. I made sure I took my glasses instead of wearing contacts. I forgot to pack pillows and blankets but I had a coat.

We had to be there at 8:30 in the morning and was took back to a room that was Private, which was nice. My husband was able to stay in that room and not have to wait in the waiting area.

After getting into the special gown I had to do that normal pee in a cup. They also put the IV in with one stick which was amazing in itself. They drew blood as well and went over medications and other things what to expect. The surgeon came in and marked my hip and told us a few exercises to do everyday and headed to get ready.

After that the nurse was rushing and everybody was getting me ready as the surgeon was ready to go.

After they got everything ready for me to go I gave my husband a kiss and then we headed out. The anesthesiologist was in the room and he gave me versed which his exact words were, “the I don’t care medicine”. Which I am familiar with and I did not make it even out of the room before I either went out or I just forgot.

Next thing I remember is being groggy and cold but they had a blower underneath the blankets to keep me warm and the nurse was right beside me. It was a post-op recovery room, which reminded me of an ER set up.

At one point my Dr came in to see me in the recovery room as I was having some problems with my blood pressure and oxygen. My oxygen level was low so I was put on 2 liters. I remember them bumping me up afterwards to 3 when the doctor was there to get my oxygen back up. My blood pressure was very low as well and they said it got up to 88 over 40 something when my doctor was there. I do remember at one point the nurse told me I could go back to the room when they get my vitals a little bit better.

The next thing I remember is waking up again and my husband was in the room as they had transferred me into the private room where he had been waiting.

Surgery lasted about 3 hours and recovery took a little bit longer than expected. The surgeon said he normally has to tap the anchors in place but he easily pushed mine in. He said I had some cartlidge damage, and was concerned regarding the softness of my bones. So instead of being 50% I was 25% weight bearing.

We stayed there for a little bit longer and everything was a little fuzzy so I’m not sure really what went on after that.

I do know that two of the nurses helped get me dressed while my husband went and got my truck. They first helped me to the bathroom and I do remember them saying that I actually was doing better than what they expected me to do as I walked with assistance to the bathroom. I used them as crutches.

When I got dressed they just slipped my sweatpants over my brace so if I needed to go to the bathroom I wouldn’t have to take off the brace for that day. They took me out in a wheelchair and it was a struggle to get my leg up as I couldn’t lift it.

I don’t remember any conversations on the way home. But it usually takes about an hour and a half to get home. When I got home I used the crutches and got in the house and laid on the couch.

My husband had to help me get on and off the couch because I could not lift that leg at all and I couldn’t get up without him picking me up. I had a pillow for my head and two pillows for my legs, an ice pack, and of course a blanket. I took the hydro-acet like instructed that night but didn’t take the Valium.