Crossroads in life

I’m at a point in my life where I’m kind of stuck at a crossroad. I thank God every day for everything I have as he has provided me so much.

But sometimes I wonder if I meant for more sometimes I wonder if I’m on the right path. Before my accident I thought I knew what I was meant to do. But now there is a possibility that might not happen. I love horses and I know getting back on one is going to take a lot of work for myself. As when I got on my mom’s horse for that short time I was scared.

I don’t know what my journey may hold. I just know that no matter what I’ve got to keep trying. I am trying to live day by day instead of in the what if’s or future as tomorrow is never promised to anyone.

I love my life and if I wore to die today I would be happy. I get to live in the country, have my horses, work at an amazing place, I have wonderful family. I am no longer living in a world of regret.

I know everything happens for a reason and eventually some of those reasons come to light, other times they do not.

I know it’s hard, but I’m learning that just because your path changes directions, doesn’t mean the end. It just means the next road may be a detour and you will end on the same path. Or it could mean that where you end up is greater. God only knows and as long as we trust him, things will work out!

Success

Why my success is owed to God because without him I would not be here.

Now many think of success as a big fancy house, car, clothes, and so much more. Success isn’t measured in money, it is all the little things!

Waking up in the morning, getting dressed, eating, and breathing! You don’t realize every day you are here on earth is a success!

Now I have been through some rather hard times in my life. I’ve also made some choices that I wasn’t proud of. But through it all those choices led me to who I am now.

My struggles shaped me, lost my faith and grew my faith. They shook me enough to get back on track. God never let go of me and always was there.

He gave me a friend when I needed it as well as an enemy to strengthen me. He gave me all the tools to mold me to who I am today and he continues to do so for who I need to be tomorrow!

Out of everything I have right now, my biggest success is who I am and what I have today with everything I have been through.

I have an amazing family, husband, kids. Yes everyone is quirky but I love them. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on my back. I have a job that has amazing core values, and a great team to work with.

To some my life may seem perfect, I assure you it’s not. I have struggles like anyone. I get down but I have a God who fights for me. He has provided me with a husband, that when I am lost, helps me find myself.

I know everyone has struggles that are different. But instead of focusing on all the negative in your life; focus on the good. Even if it is something small like you put on matching socks for the day!

God will provide for us if we just allow it. You can turn yourself from a negative Nancy to someone who is happy! So start focusing on your successes! Start with the small ones then you will see bigger successes later.

I needed to sell my Barrel Horse

So when I was told after my injection to slowly start riding again, I jumped at the chance. Although I knew in the back of my head this was not the right time.

At first I told myself it was because he was a push style and with my hip injury, I really needed a free runner. I also wanted a 1D horse so I can move up a division. So I kept thinking to sell him and slowly look for another one and by that time I would be ready.

It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I’ve had other horses but I had a connection with him. I got the horse when he only had 30 days of riding. I would ride him in an arena and he would run to the gate. He didn’t know how to neck rein, he was pretty flexible though and willing. He never loped before so he would do a crow hop at first til he learned where to place his feet with someone on him. It was by no means an “I don’t want you on me” buck.

I originally bought him for my daughter but they never really clicked. She could ride him but you could tell they just were not meant for each other. So I just kept riding him.

I trained him to where I could shoot a bow off of him, neck rein, move off your leg, carry flags, he won money in the 3D and 4D barrel races. He ran 22-23 in poles when I actually only played around in poles and ran him a couple times. He was easy to catch and just an overall fun horse to ride. He always took care of me! He was one of those horses that were just a joy to ride.

I had other horses I have bought and sold over the years and had no problem. There were some really good ones too. But this one was special!

I was so torn but God gave me strength to do it. I prayed about it for awhile and finally I decided to let go and trust God. This was a decision I made over more than a couple months.

The lady that I sold him to, has an unbelievable story and she is an inspiration. Looking back I know God placed her in my life for a reason and truly grateful I turned down a couple other people. I think she was the right fit.

It made my heart happy that he brought her joy. But I was still lost! I thought I was meant to go buy a free runner so when I was ready to ride I would just be ready. I would find a couple horses but nothing panned out.

I even had told a lady I would take a horse, but wanted to wait til she cleared from the vet. They made her an appointment that week and then when I called the vet, the vet said they cancelled the appointment. I called that lady and she had sold her to someone else. I know God was saving me on that one.

So then I started thinking, that is when I realized why I needed to sell my barrel horse. I didn’t have to sell him. He would have been perfect sitting in the pasture til I was ready.

It wasn’t because I needed a faster horse, it was because God had a plan for me and for that horse. But I know God’s plan is so much greater than mine!

He knew any horse I had, it would have to sit in the pasture for awhile. At the time I still wasn’t thinking I was going to have surgery. I thought I was on the downhill part of that journey. God knew different!

See in our lives God watches over each one of us. He knows what we are going to go through before we do. He knew I would be tempted to ride before I was physically and mentally ready so he took away all of the horses that I could ride.

I sold my barrel horse because I needed time. I needed to learn patience and how to grow both physically and mentally. I had to grow stronger in not only my faith but my body. I needed to help my daughters and enjoy time with them. I needed to focus on the little things in life as a whole picture.

God has put me on a wonderful journey and I know now I didn’t have to sell my horse, but I needed to. I’m trusting Gods plan! When I am ready to ride again, God will put a horse that’s ready in my life.

So for now I am enjoying my colts, family, work, and life! Each struggle we go through ends up a blessing in disguise, if we just open our hearts!

Thank You Lord (Nurse)

Dear Lord,

I don’t want to ask for anything, I just want to say thank you!

Thank you for giving me the wisdom to teach others.

Thank you for giving me the strength to get through the tough times.

Thank you for giving me a passion to help others in need.

Thank you for giving me compassion to Comfort those who have lost

Thank you for giving me empathy for the ones who will pass.

Thank you for giving me the power to stand up for others who don’t have a voice.

Thank you for making me humble.

Thank you for giving me accountability, to solve problems that arise.

Thank you for giving me the resilience to change.

Thank you for giving me integrity to do the right thing even when it’s hard.

But most of all thank you for allowing me to be a nurse!

Long Shot Cowgirl

Second week post op labral tear surgery

Well I can now get on and off the couch and the first part of week 2 I got in my bed and managed to sleep there. I had to take a pain killer as it hurt, when on the bed. But it was another step forward! I didn’t take any hydro-acet during the day, just at night

During the day I took the low dose aspirin still and Naproxen 2x a day to prevent bone ossification. My doctor was very adamant about taking the naproxen. To help with ulcer prevention, I also took medication to help that in the mornings.

I was awake enough to where I decided to work from home. It was not a lot of work, mainly computer work and talking on the phone at times. I didn’t really get off the couch much but did my “ankle pumps” and other exercises therapy recommended.

I noticed my ability to multi-task was non-existent and I forgot things easily. I had to do one thing at a time, which I am not used to. I also had to write stuff down to remind me to do something.

So I was scared that would continue and I would not get better. I was scared that I would be stuck being slow and could not do my job how it should be done.

My therapy went good this week, mainly just stretching exercises. I had a couple bad days but nothing to major. I was still on crutches and the brace. God was getting me through and giving me the strength I needed. I knew that this will pass and I was no longer impatient.

I have learned previously that no matter what, God will get me through threw bad times. I learned that we all have to go through trials to make us stronger. Each one of our journeys are different buy if we have Faith in God, our end result is the same. Yes I am ready to be free of this part of my life, but it is now part of me. I will keep on going.

Third week post op labral tear surgery

Monday I was not cleared to go back to work so just went to therapy and worked from home. I didn’t feel too bad, just sore and muscles tight.

Tuesday my husband drove me up the doctor, and I had a couple xrays. Everything looked good, and he said I could take off my brace and crutches next week. He also cleared me to drive as long as I felt okay. I was happy, and decided since I had my husband with me, I would try to drive, and if it didn’t work out then he could take over. Well when I was at the truck I was up on the curb, and I had my front door open. When I tried to get off the curb I lost my balance. I started to put pressure on my left leg, so I leaned forward and didn’t

catch myself. I ended up faceplanting into the truck. I caught my face on the steering wheel, but I didn’t hurt my hip thankfully. I went home and iced it.

Wednesday I went back to work, which that was a long day and definitely was sore that night. I was still on crutches and my brace so my muscles were pretty tight.

Thursday went to therapy and didn’t do too much as I was pretty sore from the day before. I started walking with my crutches as the doctor gave me 50% weight bearing status. I was slow and used the crutches but it made me feel like there was hope. When I got home I iced it. I still had a low grade fever and wasn’t able to multi-task.

First week post op labral tear surgery

The first 3 days was rather a blur. Had surgery on Monday, Tuesday I pretty much slept all day. Wednesday and Thursday I slept a lot as well and don’t remember much.

I couldn’t lift my leg, as the muscles didn’t want to work. I had to have help putting my leg up on the couch. I also had to have my husband help me off the couch and lift me up. As I had no strength in my leg and was just weak overall.

On the night of surgery I ate soup so it was easy on my stomach. The next few nights were a blur. I really only took 2 hydro-acet. Next day after surgery, one tablet a day for the following few days.

I went the day after surgery to physical therapy, which I was still out of it. My husband actually had to answer most all the questions. They really didn’t do too much. I was told due I was to be 25% weight bearing. They gave me some excercises to help keep muscles from declining worse.

I also had problems with my vision, afterwards for a 3-4 days. I had to take off my glasses to read close up, or it would be blurry. I could see far away, just not close up. I had to go without glasses and that was annoying. It slowly got better, although still had relapses after those dew days.

That Thursday I also went to therapy and I was a little more awake but I was pretty sore after. I wasnt able to do much due to tje weight bearing status.

Friday I was finally awake some, and with the little excercises, from therapy, I was able to get up off my couch with the help of my crutches. Now I still could not fully dress myself, but at least I wasn’t stuck on the couch. I still couldn’t get on my bed but, I knew in time things would get better.