I had so much going on last year that I didn’t have time to process much. Between work, kids, and recovering, it really didn’t give me a chance.
Everyone in my family wrote on a piece of paper a goal for the year. The bigger the goal the better. My goal last year was simple, to get stronger so I can ride horses again.
Now I did get to ride a couple times last year for a short time. But the fear of the what if’s took over. Which is crazy as I didn’t get hurt on a horse. I got hurt in a truck. Crazy I know! I seen what it did to my husband and kids when I was not able to take care of myself, and I didn’t want it to happen again. So I became cautious.
With that means putting what I love in a drawer and locking it away. Not really on purpose but I just had something telling me not yet.
Maybe it was me listening to the doctor when he said he didn’t recommend me riding but if I did to wait at least a year. Maybe it was me fearing of what I would accomplish. Maybe it was a fear of what if I am unable to do what I love without hurting myself again.
So many things, yet my life was so hectic I never figured it out last year. During the New Year I did have a chance to reflect.
I know God was telling me not yet for a reason. I trust that he knows best and I should always follow when he tells me to do, or not to do something!
I realize that I am not afraid of horses or riding, I’m afraid getting on the horse and not being able to keep riding. Not of getting hurt, but me not being able to physically ride.
Yes I know it is a crazy thing to be scared of. I should be just thankful I am here, and I know I am blessed. Like everyone else, I have emotions too, and I’m human as well.
We put thoughts in our heads that sometimes keep us out of trouble, but sometimes they keep us from accomplishing great things.
I believe we are all here for a purpose and I know life is too short. So instead of all the what if’s, I am taking the next step.
The next step is actually getting back on a horse, not just for a few minutes. Then continuously riding all year. This is the only way I will know if I can do it still.
I still have back and hip pain, and never got my back fixed. So not 100% sure if my body will handle me riding like I used to. But if I don’t at least try, then I will be giving into what the devil wants. I will be giving into my fears, and for that I need to try!